My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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