So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
