is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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