Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
