No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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