he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
