When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize