My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
