While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
