Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
