If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
