I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
