if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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