He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
