literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
