Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think my tv is drunk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
