Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
