And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
