my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
