if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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