Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
