I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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