I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize