you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
