yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
