where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
