omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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