The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
