therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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