Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
