Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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