We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
