I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
