if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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