Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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