We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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