my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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