I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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