So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize