We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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