Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
