I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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