I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize