Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
