Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
