You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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