hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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