at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
