I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
