Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
