He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
