Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize