it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
