what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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