Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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