Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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