the condom got lost in my hair
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize