clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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