Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
