Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
