I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
