she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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