White coat. Heels.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
