he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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