Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
