shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
