thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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