HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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