I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize