I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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