Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
