it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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