I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
