I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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