It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
