well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i drank out of a bidet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
