I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
