Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I smell stomach acid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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