He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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