Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
