he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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