Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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