Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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