Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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