U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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