I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
