Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and she was petting her beer can
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
